What does a healthy relationship look like?
A good question, in theory, but expert couple's therapist Julie Menanno wants you to ask a slightly different one: what does a securely attached relationship feel like?
The answer to this question is the ultimate goal in Secure Love, a ground-breaking guide to secure attachment in adult relationships. While attachment style has grown in popularity to explain the relationship between children and their caregivers, it also helps us understand ourselves in relationships today based on that childhood attachment. How we attach-or don't-ultimately shapes our adult romantic relationship.
Julie Menanno is the couple's therapist behind the popular Instagram account @TheSecureRelationship, which has one million followers dedicated to her wisdom. In Secure Love, Menanno tackles:
- Why you and your partner have the same fight over and over (hint: it's called a negative cycle, and underlying every fight, argument, silent treatment, or passive-aggressive comment is an unmet attachment need).
- The four attachment types, with exercises designed to help you understand your and any partner's attachment style.
- How to improve communication in a relationship, including staying connected during conflict and prioritizing vulnerability-rather than protectivity-in communication.
- "Instead of that, say this" suggested scripts of how to approach difficult situations in a relationship from a more productive and vulnerable stance.
- Why insecure attachment negatively impacts a couple's sex life and how to restore that sexual connection.
Secure Love is a deep dive in understanding how you show up in a relationship and diagnosing the negative cycles you and your partner may get trapped in. It offers you the chance to learn how to establish and maintain a secure attachment to create a lifelong bond.
We all want to see the world clearly. The trouble is, we're never taught how.
Join Shane Parrish - 'the former spy who helps Wall Street mavens think smarter' (New York Times) - for a masterclass in the art of clear thinking. Drawing on examples ranging from the evolutionary origins of our 'emotion default' to the secret history of the Challenger disaster, Parrish offers powerful mental models to make sense of any situation. And he reveals a simple, actionable method for smarter decision-making, starting today.
Along the way, he shows that the secret to mental clarity lies not in how we approach the most high-stakes moments - but in our tiniest, most everyday decisions.
It's a simple idea with startling implications: if you clear your head today, you change your life tomorrow.
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